Identity Formation
By Aboshemane
- 5 min read - 992 wordsLet’s Dive in
How do you define yourself?
No, Really. 🤔
Do you describe yourself in terms of your love or hobby?
- “I love basketball.”
- “I play the piano.”
Credentials or work?
- “I have a bachelor’s degree in… a master’s degree in…”
- “I am a teacher.”
Work, or knowledge?
- “I’ve read such and such on reddit…”
Identity Reduction
We tend to define oursleves by declarative statements, but the truth is, we know ourselves mainly by the reciprical nature of our relationships. Consider a hug between a father and son, or a husband and wife: it is an expression of love that is mutually experienced by both, explained by both, and exchanged by both. Remove one of the parties, and the hug and all its elements cease to exist. Only the experience can be the description:
Her hug can only be experienced by the one who received it.
By nature we pursue our definition implicitly by who and how we interact, not only by our embraces but even by what we say. And through the sumtotal of these processes, we become a self revealing story, where declarative statements become a distraction rather than an aid.
A mirror reflects an image by embodying it on itself, so the viewer can see oneself from it. It is the same for us; we reflect what people are on ourselves so the person looking at us can see themselves for what they are.
We Image
Due to the complexity of life, we often reduce our image to simplify our identity formation. It can be overwhelming at times, so we pursue a particular response in others to assuage the inferiority we see in ourselves. Hoping their reply will be encouraging, we describe ourselves by our role, ethnicity, or class. These broad strokes simplify the parts of us that are difficult to explain, hard to embrace, and unpleasent (new blog coming: Unpleasent, No, and the Sabbath), but it reduces us to tools. Internally we know, well hopefully, that being a tool is not congruent to our self-perceived holistic image of ourselves. Enters in Disconnect.
The Disconnect
It is unfortunate to see this hindrance remain even through developmental stages in children, and sad to see the disheartening effect it produces in adults as they search for identity from one role to the next. We are more complex than the role(s) we play and purposes we fulfill.
- To the man: defined by his usefulness of work, money or lack thereof.
- To the woman: defined by her hair, curves, skin, or lack thereof.
No matter our accomplishments, both will experience an inferiority complex riddled with pain, if we look to declarative statments as our story:
If you could remove all internal and external influencing forces, then one might be able to live in the happiness of accolades and accomplishments. But it’s impossible to be truly secluded.
Seculsion, which has it’s place and time, is not the solution to an incorrect self image. Or said differently, seclusion is not the solution to the reconciliation we unknowingly need in our relationships.
The solution involves us all: We should lean into the truth that we all are influencers.
Influence
Since we cannot live without each other, we should embrace the truth that we are all influencers shaping and molding one another. As part of our humanity, we develop tools to communicate these truths, but we are not the tools themselves. To define yourself as a tool, would only proclaim to the world you are like an animal not created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Tools only are used for a purpose. Animals live only for pleasure and instinct.
But we are different. For instance, the simplest relational observation surpasses words ability to construct meaning. Words lack the skillset to describe a simple action such as a hug. Though a hug can be overcommunicated by poetry and art. Yet, for all who have experienced a hug, know it isn’t easily described by what it produces in both who experience it.
We exist with each other, for each other, and (this is the part I am trying to say) through each other. We only can know ourselves through relating to each other. These relations are extremely strong. So strong, it can even change your health and life outcome.
Strong family ties translate into lower documented rates of heart disease
Social Media
Social media exponentially increases our interconnectedness and ironically a psuedo isolation that we create. We are placed in echo chambers of newsfeeds showcasing unrealistic realities or groupthink on every subject. We see curated family pictures or the prevalent social media model addiction. Both are examples of pseudo isolation and influence. I won’t go into the negative implications of all of this and the rates of suicide and social media, but I will leave this here:
To the one who believes his/her sins are forgiven:
What we are is known by being part of a body which is interwoven with many parts. To the Christian, we are in the body of Christ, where Christ is the brain (head) directing and moving his body (believers, the church) to and where he wants.
Now, if we exist in Him and relationally with others in Him, there must be something in God’s identity that results in such an intense love that the Lord was willing to share his body with us.
Jesus is the exact representation of God. The literal image of God. Through whom and to whom we were created, so relationally by him we correctly form our identity. Contrastingly, anything or anyone used outside of Him will create a vacuum that does not satisfy.
How is your identity formed? by another? Or by your own definition? Your thoughts on how God forms our identity?
Proverbs 18:1
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.